My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
