I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
