Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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