Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
