Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
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I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
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Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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