great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
