my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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