Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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