If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
