Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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