walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I touched a dick in church today
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
