you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
