I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize