Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
