i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
