I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You're a waste of cheezeits
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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