so explain again why im purple
no
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
