i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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