Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize