We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
