The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
