I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
