I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
