You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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