i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Michael Bay diarrhea
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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