Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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