holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
