ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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