I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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