Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
