I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
