Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
