Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
