dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
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I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
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I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.