TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
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it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
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Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.