Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.

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  (410): apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual. http://tfl.nu/y4h7
  Replies (18) Good night (1536) Bad night (773)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Where are you?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Strip Club

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  (508): Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends. (617): Where are you? (508): Strip Club http://tfl.nu/9e3o
  Replies (15) Good night (3187) Bad night (885)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you

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  (509): Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you http://tfl.nu/tpo5
  Replies (30) Good night (13974) Bad night (1134)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.

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  (806): Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day. http://tfl.nu/6xwz
  Replies (6) Good night (2636) Bad night (720)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.

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  (203): Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states. http://tfl.nu/jgy9
  Replies (40) Good night (1078) Bad night (2852)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option

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  (403): i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option http://tfl.nu/a69i
  Replies (11) Good night (774) Bad night (4810)
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  (925): View more from California

  you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.

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  (925): you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes. http://tfl.nu/km2x
  Replies (18) Good night (742) Bad night (2998)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone

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  (252): I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone http://tfl.nu/p73u
  Replies (43) Good night (1106) Bad night (6944)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

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  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (39617) Bad night (1970)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation

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  (414): Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation http://tfl.nu/xs70
  Replies (4) Good night (2470) Bad night (773)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ

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  (319): THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ http://tfl.nu/h11a
  Replies (15) Good night (3414) Bad night (1277)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.

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  (843): AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME. http://tfl.nu/mm0e
  Replies (11) Good night (616) Bad night (1271)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad

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  (978): Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad http://tfl.nu/d7yn
  Replies (7) Good night (1669) Bad night (595)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.

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  (630): He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway. http://tfl.nu/b8m9
  Replies (2) Good night (441) Bad night (783)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto

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  (412): Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto http://tfl.nu/ewc7
  Replies (2) Good night (688) Bad night (297)

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