I want to walk on stilts...naked
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
