my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
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She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
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Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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