he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
