i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize