Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
