Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And then he peed in my hair
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