this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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