I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
