Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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