The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
