I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
