so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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