Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
