you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
