if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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