I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
