So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
