I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
