Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
