i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
