Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
