I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
