I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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