Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
