Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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