I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
