I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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