i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
