My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
