I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize