After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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