Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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