I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
