she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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