I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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