she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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