True but thats because hes a fetus.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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