I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
