it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
