You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
