white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
