whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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