Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
