Your face is a jimmy john
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
