Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
